


Hiders

by HaxanHexes (PineNeedles)



Category: Oxenfree
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous Slash, F/F, Femslash February, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 07:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6069898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PineNeedles/pseuds/HaxanHexes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something years old and tender stirs inside Alex—a seed planted the first time she’d laid eyes on Clarissa when they were kids. Clarissa was right; she was tired of being alone, of being bitter, and she was just as done with this song and dance. Her shoulders relax under Clarissa’s touch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hiders

**Author's Note:**

  * For [explosionshark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/explosionshark/gifts).



> A story for explosionshark, based on her prompt: Oxenfree, Alex/Clarissa. Dialogue prompt: "Found you."
> 
> AU where Clarissa, Nona, Jonas and Ren save Alex from the time loop. Ambiguous/Pre-Slash. Operating on the assumption that Alex has always had a thing for Clarissa-- "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." When Clarissa and Alex become Official they'll look back on this night as the start of their really falling in love/coming together.
> 
> Un-betaed and personally edited. Please excuse any typos or inconsistencies. Title from the Burial song of the same name.

_You don’t have to be alone._ — Burial, “Hiders”

 

“Found you.”

Clarissa’s voice sounds from inside. It sounds both smooth and scratchy to Alex, like velvet dusted with broken glass.

“Looking for me?” she asks.

“What do you think?” Clarissa replies as she pushes the balcony door open with her foot. “Jonas told me you like it up here. Brought you a beer.” She steps out into the warm summer night and extends a Pabst Blue Ribbon to Alex.

Alex takes the offered can and cracks it open. “Thanks.”

Clarissa stands over Alex and raises one eyebrow skeptically. “You’re quiet tonight.”

Alex just stares over the railing at her backyard.

Clarissa sighs heavily. “And rude. You going to invite me to sit?”

“Uh, yeah,” Alex says, kicking at the chair across from hers and angling it towards Clarissa. She glances at the slender redhead now seated across from her and then returns her gaze to the yard.

“Your step-brother organized this Island Rescue Party party for you, y’know,” Clarissa says.

Alex’s gaze shoots back to Clarissa. Her bemused smile evinces that her comment had its intended effect. Alex frowns. “Brother. He’s just … my brother, okay?” Clarissa’s smile flattens visibly. Alex enjoys it, then hates herself.

“I’m just giving you shit,” Clarissa mumbles around the lip of her can.

They sit sipping their beers in silence, an orchestra of crickets and rustling leaves providing a backdrop of white noise. Clarissa gazes at the moon and Alex stares pointedly into the yard. Still, she can’t help but sneak furtive glances Clarissa’s way every few seconds.

“Sooo Alex,” Clarissa finally says, “we haven’t had a chance to talk since you’ve … been back. And I thought you might want to.”

“I thought you wouldn’t,” Alex says with a glare, her tone and expression both sharper than intended. Sharp enough to cut. Clarissa bristles and Alex averts her eyes. There’s a beat and the silence between them returns with a roar.

A minute passes and feels more like ten. Alex braces herself for the acerbic comeback she _knows_ must be coming.

“Alex,” Clarissa says finally, “Let’s bury the hatchet. Please. I’m trying. And we risked our necks for you. I’m just … tired of being angry. Tired of being at each other’s throats. And I’d think you’d be tired of being alone.”

Alex’s eyes snap back to Clarissa. Even when she’s silent Alex finds it frustratingly hard to look away for long. When she’s talking it’s impossible, and _that_ … wasn’t what Alex was expecting.

“I don’t get it,” Alex says. She _is_ tired.

“Get what?” Clarissa asks.

“You risking your necks for me,” Alex whispers. She sounds tired, too.

She can’t read the look on Clarissa’s face. Maybe it’s because it’s dark, or maybe it’s just because it’s Clarissa. Clarissa, folded up so tightly inside herself that three dimensions can’t sufficiently describe the angles of her heart. Clarissa, who chose to be irascible instead of vulnerable and is now so, so tired.

“Don’t you want to be here?” Clarissa asks. There’s something doleful about her that makes Alex’s heart ache.

“No. I mean, yes. Yes, I do. I just don’t get why _you_ want me here. You _hate_ me. Everything around me withers for Chrissake!” Alex’s voice was rising in pitch. Better out than in.

“Woah—”

“One of the last things Ren told me was that something had _broken_ between us. That was what I left him with!” Alex stands suddenly and begins shouting.

“Alex—”

“Jonas has been the perfect brother and it’s not fair for him to be saddled with a _disaster_ of a sister like me!” Alex is ranting, full on, and gesticulating to match. Beer sloshes out of her can onto her hands, the floor, the balcony railing.

“Lower your voi—”

“And I admit it, okay. I destroyed my family! Michael is dead because of me!”

“ _Alex!_ ” Clarissa shouts as she rises from her seat, her voice echoing off the neighbouring houses. She’s leaning over Alex and the sparks in her eyes remind Alex of road flares. Suddenly Alex is seated again and her half empty beer is lolling on the ground in a puddle of booze and Alex is crying into her sticky hands.

“You don’t believe that, Alex,” Clarissa says.  Her voice is suddenly so soft it’s startling, the anger gone like a flash in a pan.

“Yes, I do. I know you blame me, too,” Alex manages to say through the sobs. “After he died I told you it was my fault and you agreed. And I hated you for it, but only because it was true. At least with me on the other side the people I love are safe from what a fucking wreck I am.”

Alex wipes her eyes, then her nose with the back of her hand, adding snot to the stain of sweat, beer and tears. Clarissa must think her so pathetic.

Then there’s a hand on her shoulder and she has no idea what to do. She looks up at Clarissa and through the hot film of tears she sees what might be shame on that cherubic face.

“I don’t blame you, Alex,” Clarissa says. “I mean I _did_. I was angry and hurting and I lashed out. Okay? It wasn’t my best moment. And you acting like we—Michael and I, were nothing to each other just made me madder. But I’m … this isn’t easy for me to say but, I’m sorry.”

Alex is so dumbfounded she stops crying. She’s not even certain what to say. Clarissa suddenly seems delicate in a way that evades expression.

“I misjudged you, okay?” Clarissa continues. “Closing the rift and stranding yourself in … Hell, basically. That was brave. Michael … would be proud of you.”

Something years old and tender stirs inside Alex—a seed planted the first time she’d laid eyes on Clarissa when they were kids. Clarissa was right; she _was_ tired of being alone, of being bitter, and she was just as done with this song and dance. Her shoulders relax under Clarissa’s touch.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says. “Too, I mean. I’m also sorry. Michael loved you. I shouldn’t have—I shouldn’t have acted how I acted, either.”

Clarissa steps back and sits down slowly, a smile gracing her lips again. “Apology accepted,” she says.

“Apology accepted,” Alex echoes.

“And Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t hate yourself.”

“I’ll try.”

Clarissa squirms slightly and Alex feels like she’s watching a moon flower bloom. “I know it’s not easy,” Clarissa says.

“Wait, _you_ hate yourself? What about your comment when I chose you for ‘fuck’ in Truth or Slap!”

“I can know I’m hot and still hate myself,” Clarissa retorts with a smirk. “I’m trying, though. Maybe we can share not-hating-ourselves tips.”

“Sure,” Alex says with a soft smile.

Silence falls over them again, but this time it’s as warm and still as the night air. Clarissa takes a swig of beer. Alex picks hers up and finishes off what was left of it; Clarissa grimaces but doesn’t comment. They both lean back and watch as a cloud passes over the face of the moon.

Alex places her empty can on the railing. Clarissa finishes her beer and gives it a companion.

“Thanks, Clarissa,” Alex says. “I have wanted to talk.”

“Me too. And thank you, for saving us from being like … ghost puppets, or whatever.”

Alex allows herself a grin. “Anytime, bucko.”

“Ugh!” Clarissa kicks her long legs out melodramatically, “I can’t believe this, you talk just like him.”

For the first time remembering Michael makes Alex want to laugh instead of cry. “If it makes you feel better he got it from me.”

“Yeah, sure. I think you probably reinforced each other’s lameness. I took him to a comedy club open mic night once and his jokes were _awful_. I laughed, but they were awful.”

Alex starts chuckling. “He told me! You yelled at everyone else for not laughing.”

Clarissa laughs herself. “Yeah! I mean, he was trying! I wasn’t going to leave my boyfriend hanging. I go to bat when I love someone.”

“You’d make a really good girlfriend!” Alex says so eagerly it makes her cringe. “I mean, like, you are—were? A really good girlfriend. Like. I mean—dammit!” Alex’s helpless stammering just makes Clarissa laugh harder. Alex buries her face in her brother’s old varsity jacket.

“Thanks, Alex,” Clarissa says wiping a tear from her eye. “And you’re a good sister. Honestly, sometimes you remind me of him so much. Seeing you just reminded me of how much it hurt.”

Alex just looks at Clarissa. What do you even say to that?

“I mean, it’s good now,” Clarissa continues. “I like it, honestly. You have the same good heart. And the same lame ass grin. And you’re about as smooth as he was. Or wasn’t. It’s easy to see why he loved you.”

“It’s easy to see why he loved you, too,” Alex blurts out with immediate regret. “Jesus! I mean, like. I’ve always liked you, honestly. I mean, not like Michael liked you, _of course,_ but like, you know. Like not romantically but I liked—like you, as a friend.”

“Chill, dude. I get it,” Clarissa says, her expression bemused.

“That uh, that made it hurt more. When you blamed me.”

Clarissa sighs and she’s not laughing anymore. “I don’t think I’ll ever not be sad, you know?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Maybe having someone to talk to who’s going through the same shit would make it easier.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think it would.”

Clarissa stands and adjusts her blouse. “We both fucked up, but...” She extends a hand. “Friends now?”

Alex takes it in her marginally less gross hand and rises from her seat. Clarissa’s slender fingers wrap snugly around Alex’s and the touch feels electric on her skin. “Friends,” she replies.

Clarissa looks uncertain for a moment and then she tugs Alex in close and wraps her into a hug. The amber scent of Clarissa’s perfume is warm and inviting and for someone so svelte Alex finds her embrace quite soft. Her head resting around Clarissa’s bust might be helping that impression.

Alex’s breath catches and she’s afraid releasing it would shatter the moment. She wraps her arms around Clarissa and nuzzles into the hug. For a moment she fears Clarissa will push her away, but with her ear pressed against Clarissa’s chest she hears a heart beating just as fast as hers.

Clarissa’s slender fingers run absently through Alex’s bangs and she tucks Alex’s head in under her chin. Alex closes her eyes. Her cheeks feel hot and she’s glad Clarissa can’t see her face. Alex isn’t sure how long they hug, but it feels like an eternity.

Then Clarissa’s loosening her hold and Alex let’s go herself. Clarissa clears her throat, and brushes a lock of hair behind her ear. She seems bashful and sweet in a way Alex finds both surprising and enticing. “You ready to hit the party?” she asks. “They’re probably wondering about us.”

“Yeah,” Alex replies. “Sure. Ren’s probably worried we murdered each other. I’ve caused that goober enough stress as is.” She chuckles lightly, hoping to expel some of the butterflies in her stomach.

Clarissa looks like she wants to say something, but she just flashes a smile and heads for the balcony door. Alex follows her inside.

As they make it into the upstairs hall, Alex looks back. The silhouette of two beer cans, one sleek and one slightly crumpled, stand on the railing outside. Alex makes a mental note to come back for them once the party’s over.

When the pair makes it to the living room their friends erupt into a chorus of inebriated excitement.

“What took you so long! I thought you’d killed each other,” Ren says.

“Doesn’t that mean you owe me ten bucks?” Jonas asks.

Ren slings himself across Jonas’ shoulder and groans. “That bet was a joke, c’mon!”

“Put your money where your mouth is, Ren! No way I’m dating a deadbeat,” Nona says and playfully pushes Ren with her foot. Jonas just rolls his eyes.

Alex and Clarissa sit side by side and join the conversation. Alex’s eyes linger on Clarissa and she can’t help playing the hug back in her mind. Clarissa notices her look and shoots her a little smile before turning to Jonas to fill in some background detail to one of Nona’s stories.

Alex feels a tension she hadn’t realized she’d been holding drain from her body. Sitting next to Clarissa and surrounded by friends, she suddenly feels deeply thankful to have a future. The world could be full of precious things if you were open to them, and now she would be. No more hiding.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at: http://sleepytimegalpal.tumblr.com/


End file.
